I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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