frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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