"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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