I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
