I think my fart just growled at me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
