Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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