she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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