I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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