so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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