It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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