I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
