I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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