I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
