moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
