I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
