GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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