the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize