If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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