We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
