How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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