Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
