Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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