she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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