My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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