My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
