I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
