he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
