Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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