I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i dont even know how to be here
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
