why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
