Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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