You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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