So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
