haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think your dad took our porno
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
