he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
