he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
