allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
