you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
