I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
