Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
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