a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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