every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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