I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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