the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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