conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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