I CAN MOONWALK!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
