He kissed a someone with a penis
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
