I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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