Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
