I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
