We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize