Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
