probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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