hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
