I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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