She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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