At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
