your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
