Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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