What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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