I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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