the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
