At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
