talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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